When the words can be blatantly spoken.

Month: January, 2015

Will I be Here?

CommencementThis is a part of MIT Commencement view prior to the commencement, I suppose. The question of “Will I be Here?” has been whirring in my head for 5 years since I graduated from middle school. Do not ever think that this is a form of ambition because it is not an ambition at all. It is such a dream that has not been pursued yet. I have always dreamed of being MIT student since middle school. At first, I planned to take any engineering majors if accepted because I was so in love with physics. But when I underwent life in secondary school, I realized that I was not good at it. Now, I am an IR student. It was a little bit sad to know that mom wants me to major IR and not architecture that I’ve always desired.

Since I stepped my foot in secondary school, I planned to continue my higher education here, taking my undergraduate program in MIT. I have genuinely never had any thoughts to be an UI student. MIT has lots of compelling things to offer. Celebrating diversity is also my reason to be there. Doing research, trying to apply, and looking for financial aid were what I actively did in secondary school.

At first, everything what I plan, my dream in MIT was dashed or vanished because I am an IR student or social science student, can I still continue my master degree there? My question for master degree in social science was answered thereafter. MIT is the best institution ever in the world that is not a holy grail for engineering student. But also for social sciences student. They have faculty named SHASS standing for School of Humanity, Arts, and Social Sciences. They definitely have IR concentrations under Department of Politics.


Taken from MIT instagram @mitpics, the photograph of MIT SHASS

I thought I am so in love with this institution and can’t wait to be their students and be a part of MIT family. HERE IT IS! That is the picture I just took. Since the first day of my college day kick-off, I plan to take Department of Politics or MITSloan as my preferences for master degree program. I plan to take International Relations and Security Studies if accepted in Dept. of Politics. I do hope this one, my dream, can be solely pursued. Love love MIT.


No Need to Define Yourself

But an accurate definition of the self is impossible. You are more than you realize, more than you can define. And the more time you spend trying to nail down the definition, the less time you spend living right now. Your past is not your identity. You, living now, is your identity.

~ George Lawrence-Ell (The Invisible Clock)


September to December 2014: Massive Transformation

It is a rare opportunity I ever got in life to have fast connection. I bought daily data and the quota seems to never end. That explains why I can go back here and write some stuff. My last post was on July or August talking about orientation preparation. It has been 5 months after orientation and I have an opportunity to write now. My current college life is so much different from what I had a year ago. Sometimes, I couldn’t believe that all my prayers in my gap year were granted. I got accepted in two favorite majors, particularly IR, could be a member of a debate society, can meet a lot of awesome people, and have tons of challenging things every day. I am so confused to start telling the whole story in my first semester college life.

Being a freshman here is totally different. In my past university, I only got orientation within a week and everything was done. No wonder I could be a passive student (I was a passive student because I was not so passionate about the university and major).  Yet, in here, the orientation was so long and exhausting especially for the major orientation. It was called TKHI (International Relations Family Meeting). For orientation level, I thought somehow TKHI was so beneficial and far from negative things. We were orientated as an IR student and taught to survive in IR. Although, there must be some annoying activities, I admit, but it’s so resourceful. My salutation goes for the committee.

My college life in the first semester was full of orientation thingies. Sometimes, when I am sick of all of its agendas, I thought I went to college not to study but to be orientated. I had only few classes in the first semester, but the agendas after class was so full and tiring. I had to be home very late, did some things I don’t like, and so on. If it were not for getting accepted as their member of student union, I would not do this till the end. Aside of it, I am still grateful to be there, around great people. When I’ve moved to this university and my current major, I felt there is something different. I truly can explore myself, hobbies, and interests here. I still remember clearly how suffocating my past college life was.

The next great thing I got was being accepted as a debate society member! Yes! I have always wanted to be a part of them. It is such a place I have always dreamed of in my whole life. I know I am not really good at debating and in need of practice to be so much better, but since high school, I have always committed to myself that I would join this society. The feeling of knowing about the acceptance is indescribable. I was so passionate to learn more and more. However, somehow, I always feel demotivated to do the regular practice and meet the other members. The atmosphere of the society was so ambitious and competitive. I always think that there is no room for me to at least try a competition and become its delegate. Even sometimes the orientation worsen it. For instance, the final orientation fell on the same time when the internal competition for new comers of the society conducted.

I think that is the biggest opportunity that I lost to mingle with other members and be confident in the society. I do not need at all to tell the whole story of being the member, but the point is sometimes I have low self-esteem to be with them in the society. Like it’s only a place for good ones. Let’s proceed to another story. As an political and social sciences student, I realize and understand the big difference between natural science student and social student. When I was a civil engineering student, I was so busy and stressed out every day. Tons of work await to get done, no fun subjects at all, and so forth. But in here, I think this is my place because I have never felt stressed out, I like studying here.

Most of all, in the first semester, there is bunch of stories to tell and even though I got heavy and super busy orientation for 4 months, I relieved that it doesn’t bother my GPA. It is good enough for social first timer student. Second semester will definitely be full of activities outside of studying and college life. Hopefully, in the second semester I will be better and my GPA can be satisfactory. Last, I might be busy during every semester, so, I will  write if I have good time and opportunity and story.